39 weeks and a new perspective

39 weeks

the end is near! and the end is hard. i will spare you all any complaints i may have about the waiting game and instead a change in perspective. i was laying in bed last night wondering if it may be the night that i awaken with the "real thing" contractions and it suddenly struck me for the first time that this may be the last time that i am pregnant. this may be the last time that i get to feel the movements and kicks of my child inside of me. this may be the last time that i have this figure. this may be the last time that i experience birth.

in the midst of pregnancy, when you can't remember not being pregnant or what you normally look like in clothes, or when you are counting the weeks and days until you meet the new member of your family, it's easy to forget just how amazing the pregnant body is and just how lucky you are to be experiencing it. it's easy to focus on the negative; how tired you are, how tired of being pregnant you may be. it's a lot harder to remain positive. but that is my new goal; to try to see these next few weeks in a positive light.

stijn and i aren't sure whether we will have any more children. what we do know for sure is that it will be many years before we think about it again. so this very well could be my last. and that thought and it's possible finality makes the waiting a bit easier. it makes the discomfort i feel a bit less consuming. it makes the thought of labor and birth so exciting. soon a little boy and i are going to work together with my body to bring him into the world, to join our family, to be our son. i don't need to rush it, i just need to savor these last weeks i have with him alone, in my pregnant body because it may be the last time.