being content

mantle

one of the greatest struggles for me as a homeowner is being content with where things are. we purchased our house knowing that it was going to take a lot of time, money, and work to get it to the place that we saw in our heads. and after a few months of said time, money, and work we found out that i was pregnant. this altered the amount of work that i was able to do and the labor fell onto stijn's shoulders. when we have been focused on a particular project he would come home from working all day only to work more in the house. we've made serious progress but there is still a lot left to do and with a new baby just around the corner we have had to prioritize projects and push others to the side. and this is where i get in the way.

i have always loved to create environments. whether it was in a coffee shop, or setting up pop-up sales for my vintage clothing, or just entertaining. i love to use a space to create a feeling. i find myself spending endless amounts of time on pinterest looking for inspiration and then planning out our renovations and what will go where in our home. the problem that arises is that it seems that there is always something else i want or feel that we need for our home. we have made a choice to have me stay at home with our children and being a one income family means that we do not have an endless budget for everything that pinterest inspires. (serious addict over here)and so i am learning to be content. i am learning that it is ok that our house isn't finished and that it doesn't have to be perfect before we have folks over. i am learning that my endless aspiring has a profound impact on the weight that my husband carries. i am learning how important it is for me and for him that i acknowledge just how much i love this home we are creating. i am learning to be satisfied.

when our guests arrived last weekend and we were giving the tour i found myself focusing on what we hadn't yet done. as though i needed to apologize for it not being perfect. and then jesse gave me the best compliment. he said, "it feels like home. it's comfortable and a place where i can relax and just be."

life and our home isn't the perfectly curated pinterest board or the carefully styled blog post. life and home is messy, it's lived in, there are toys, and dust bunnies, and cracks in walls, and uneven floors, and wallpaper hanging halfway from the wall (torn only to where i could reach without a ladder), and dog hair, lots of dog hair, and toys, toys taking over...but i love my life and so i'm learning. learning to be content.