thoughts lately

This blog was ressurected when i moved to switzerland as a way for my family and friends to keep up with my adventures. It became a place to document my pregnancy and then the birth and life of my Eleanor. Since we moved to Michigan I've thought about how it would evolve. Posts about our new hometown and our house started to accompany bits and pieces of our life as a family. I've  been feeling guilty for not posting lately and truly anything I do post you've already seen if you follow me on instagram. I don't want to feel like I have to blog but that is how it has been feeling. Not something I want to do but more of a hassle, one more thing on my long list. 

I have also begun to notice that I view things in light of how I will share them. Stopping to take a picture to go on the blog or narrating a post in my head. Not that any of that is bad. I've always narrated things in my head and I want to take the time to photograph a moment. But sometimes I feel like it makes me not present in the moment. Truthfully this time is far too precious to not be present. I want to spend more time experiencing and less time photographing the experience or thinking about what I will say about it.

We spent the last two weeks here in the house without internet and to be honest I hardly missed it. Once we hooked it up and I checked my bloglovin page I had 368 blog posts in my feed waiting to be read. 368 posts would make you feel like you had missed a lot but in all reality I didn't miss a thing. Reading blogs has always been a way for me to be inspired but there is a fine line between inspiration and coveting. I feel mostly like I'm peering into the lives of people that are much more creative than I am, better mothers, better photographers, better writers telling me about this next thing that I need to have or should be doing...This isn't how I want to live and it isn't the picture of a mother that I want my daughter to grow up with; a mother that is always wanting more and is dissatisfied. 

Maybe I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis both here and in real life. Maybe I've got the birthday blues. Maybe I've just outgrown blogging but I have found it to be an empty place lately. Maybe it's because I'm busy or just don't have the words but I feel myself pulling back, disconnecting. I'm not sure what this means for modern megpie. I hope you will stick with me as I figure out how to balance living my life with chronicling my life.