as time goes by


time seems to speed by at an exceptional rate when you have a baby. it has been three months since eleanor was born and the signs of my pregnancy have all disappeared. the dark line marking my stomach has faded, the weird discoloration on my back that had me looking like a cheetah is gone, i am back to my pre-pregnancy weight (though i'm not sure my body will ever be quite the same). it took 40 weeks for my body to transform and already there are no signs, save for that little stretch mark under my belly button, that it happened. my physical changes are nothing compared to the lightning speed at which she grows. i have to remind myself quite often to savor where we are as she is bound to change within days. i feel nostalgia for those first few weeks and have been prepared to feel some sort of sadness as she grows up (too quickly). but imagine my surprise when i felt nostalgia for something else entirely...

the other night i found myself longing for my labor. i wasn't one of those women who loved being pregnant and can't wait to do it again; so, longing for labor? we had just received word from stijn's family that his sister was in labor and i was jealous. jealous? i thought there was something seriously wrong with me but i wanted to relive the day e was born; the intensity, the pain, the joy, all of it. it was the most significant day of my life thus far and part of me is sad that it is over. i know there will be more of those big days and i am enjoying the everyday but i wonder if any other mothers have felt this before. did you miss labor?