as you probably know by now we have been keeping a whopper of a secret for the last few months. we discovered on a trip to new york in early december that there was something else at work in my body that was causing me to feel not quite myself. two parallel pink lines in the bathroom of the ace hotel and our lives would be forever changed.
the last three+ months were difficult. we were so excited and hopeful yet my previous miscarriages left me in a constant state of worry and the sickness and fatigue made it hard to be joyful. i found myself just wishing the first trimester away, anxiously awaiting the day where we would enter the "safe zone." the nausea and fear made it hard to just be happy with where i was and content in this part of the process. then we heard a heartbeat and saw the baby's little alien like form on an ultrasound and suddenly everything felt ok. my appetite and energy have returned almost to normal, my pants are starting to feel a bit too snug, and i cry at almost everything. i learned that those feelings of worry i had are only the beginning of motherhood and a lifetime of caring for someone more than myself. i have learned that pregnancy is full of milestones and savoring each step without rushing onto the next requires some effort. i have learned that i am lucky beyond measure to have a loving, supportive partner who can share in the joys, comfort through the hurt, and has the patience to put up with the mood swings.
this blog will be hijacked a bit by the musings of a mama to be trying to navigate having a baby in switzerland. expect weekly photos of my expanding belly and some good honesty regarding this process.